One can see the propaganda everywhere: "Area 51! The government is hiding aliens! TRUST NO ONE!" Area 51 this, Area 51 that, it seems as if the entire nation obsesses over the idea of a vast government conspiracy to hide some extraterrestrials in an underground military base in Nevada. Fueled by such fine films as Independence Day and wonderful pastimes such as the arcade action game Area 51, the mindless drones of America brainwash themselves into believing this ridiculous garbage. The people of this Great Nation will be much better off as soon as they realize that a small group of individuals, seeking to hide the Truth, created Area 51. If Area 51 does exist, which I highly doubt, it exists only as a device with which to occupy our minds while misdeeds occur right under our collective nose. "And what," a reader might ask him- or herself, "is the truth?" Regardless, gentle reader, of what consequences might hide just around the corner, I now plan to reveal to the world the vast plague of lies and deceit poisoning this country for more than eighty years. Area 51 is no more than a creation of the government to distract attention from Area 52 in the middle of the "state" of Wyoming.
Wyoming, The Equality State, is a hoax. In my earlier years, I led myself to believe that Wyoming simply did not exist. I have, now in my wiser days, learned that Wyoming is simply a plot. (As to why I investigated the issue in the first place, the whole near-squareness of the place just doesn't settle right with me.) To begin with some background, the area of Wyoming is mostly sparsely populated open space. To the north lies Montana, the breeding ground for the Unabomber. To the west lies Idaho, home to the illustrious potato, and Utah. Utah lies as well to the south. Colorado, a place covered in mountains and lots of yuppie skiers lost forever from the tides of time sometime during the late eighties, touches in the southeast. To the east are Nebraska and South Dakota. Due to some odd coincidence, all these areas surrounding Wyoming have left for it a space that could nearly be called a square.
But the evil called Wyoming is not all contained within this little square. Assuredly, most of the deception arises elsewhere. To arrive there, however, the good detective must begin with the facts at hand. The title Equality State has an arithmetic air to it. Perhaps an investigation of the numbers might reveal something. The following, according to the World Book Encyclopedia, shine as the most important dates in the history of Wyoming:
When one adds all these years together by digit (e.g., 1+8+6+8 + 1+8+9+0 etc.) the total comes out to 111. If all the letters in .Wyoming. are assigned numbers as to their position in the alphabet (e.g., g=7, i=9, etc.) the sum is 92. 111 plus 92 equals 203. When one multiplies 203 by 44 (Wyoming is the 44th State) and then divides it by 666 (the number of the Beast) the result horrifies me. 13.411411411. Thirteen has always been a symbol of bad luck, and 411 is the nationwide number for information. .Unlucky information. indeed, what an understatement!
These facts, although an insurmountable mountain of evidence, might not convince some people. For the sake of the skeptics, I shall continue. The conspirators that populate Wyoming have grand plans for the overthrow of the United States. These agents on the secret government payroll serve as one of our nation.s greatest security contradictions. Members of an alien race hold certain government offices. Both elected and appointed, these officials use their power to ensure the continuation of the programs in Wyoming and the eventual uprising against the government as we know it. The group now simply waits for a time of chaos in which to seize power. The aliens have strong allies the world over and think little of destroying (even ending) the lives of their opponents. The latest example is our own William "Bill" Clinton. The victims go as far back as 1917.
From his birth on May 29, 1917, John F. Kennedy found himself closely entangled with the "Wyoming Race." He did his best to maintain a fašade for the world around him while avoiding the wrath of the aliens. His front went a little too far, though, when he involved himself with Cuba. When one draws a line from the northwestern corner of Wyoming to the southeastern corner, and then continues that line in the same direction, it passes right through Havana, the capital of Cuba. The ideals of the Communist Cuba and the members of Wyoming concur rather dramatically. The most obvious congruency lies in the Communist dream of .equality. and the self-given title of Wyoming as the Equality State. In fact, the aliens use Cuba as the staging point for all their Western Hemisphere operations. Why else would the Pope visit? (The Pope serves as a high ranking alien official. Think rationally: he has attempted to single-handedly turn Catholic Doctrine around completely. He began his plans with his simple statement of "evolution might be true." Besides, the simple fact that Wyoming has the same number of letters as Vatican gives it all away.) When Kennedy learned of the plot to overthrow America, he tried to oust Castro, an alien puppet. The aliens didn't like it and had him killed. The numbers, by the way, add up on this one too. Kennedy was born in May of 1917. 1+9+1+7=18. When one adds 18 to 5 (May is the fifth month) the result is 23. Kennedy was killed on the 22nd of November. 2+2 = 4. 4 multiplied by 23 equals 92: the same value as the letters of Wyoming!
The reader now assuredly understands that Kennedy found himself a victim of the conspiracy, but he or she might find him- or herself doubtful on the issue of our beloved Bill. Bill Clinton remains always a wonderful man. He, however, possess a tragic flaw: he finds himself unwittingly attracted to aliens. Hilary, Paula Jones, Monica... they are all aliens. When the Wyoming Race learned that Bill knew of their plot at an early age, they set out to destroy him. Bill planned to reveal their plot at the culmination of his power, perhaps nearer to the end of his second term, but the aliens had other plans. As his credibility now lies in shambles, many fingers point to Special Prosecutor Kenneth Starr as the root of the problem. Starr, contrary to popular belief, is not an alien, just a man doing his job. Hilary, Paula, and Monica, however, aren.t the only aliens close to our beloved President. Vice President Al Gore.s skull holds more smarts than most people think. He might be a "tree-hugger," but he uses seven arms to hug the trees.
These aliens must be stopped. "How?" the reader might ask. To quote Topal's famous line in The Fiddler on the Roof, "I'll tell you! I don't know." All I can do is continue to report information as I learn it, and plead with the populace to listen. Listen, people of the United States, listen to my words! Our danger grows greater as the country plunges into confusion. The time of conflict is at hand, and they have seven hands to our two. We must be prepared.
Copyright 1998, Mark E. Phair. All rights reserved.
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